Life Partner Advice

Life Partner:

Advice

I just wanted to share a few thoughts about the Partnership and being with the right person.

In spiritual Holy book Guru Granth sahib ji, Guru Arjan dev ji wrote 4 words to Guru Ram Das, known as "Shabad Hazaaray" those letters can give an insight about the true nature and meaning of love.

I wanted to share my thoughts about it.

I am in my 20s. I am in a Relationship and I have seen a lot of ups and downs in my relation. I never gave up because I knew I am really lucky to have My partner (touch wood). What I can say from experience is that if your in a relationship then don't have it for short time, if you say the word "Love" then you should respect it and try to have a long term relation with happy ending.

I would like to share some things from my own life that I learned. If they help anyone to understand partnerships better, then something positive might come from my life's journey.

The first thing I want to say is that just because you love someone does not mean that you will be able to live with them for the rest of your life. This is one of the most painful and important lessons I have learned. You can love someone deeply, but that person may not be the right life partner.

Why? Because a life partner depends on more than just love. Life partners need a share the same vision of life. Share values. A share a sense of direction. These things matter as much, if not than being "in love" with someone.

There was a story I heard when I was 14 years old

A young women asked a old man who believed in spiritual,and holy book.

She said " I don't know how to make a decision of my life, the man I love doesn't want to do anything for me"

he said to the women, "Do not make decisions based on being in love."

she said "what do you base your decisions on then?"

He replied: "Values, virtues and character."

I think everyone should think about this story. Being in love can make blind you. You may go to bed with the physical beauty of a person. But you wake up with their character. So study the character of the your partner first.

What are their habits? What are their values? What are their virtues? And will the character, values and virtues bring something positive to your life?

To make a good decision about a life partner, I would offer that you need two things. A certain set of skills and a process.

SKILLS

When it comes to relationship, what skills are good to bring to the table?

You cannot really succeed in any relationship with anyone until you first establish your relationship between yourself , Know yourself. Have a connection to your mind and heart. Do something spiritual for yourself every day. Have roots with your own being. It will keep you steady because all relationships involve ups and down. Your own steadiness within yourself will see you through the highs and lows.

Then, I would offer -. The family that prays together, stays together. To me, this is one of the most critical skills between partners. Sharing a spiritual practice, can really solve a lot of problems.

The second skill that I would say is Authentic Allowing. Mostly in a search for partnership, we twist ourselves into something that we think we should be in order to gain the approval of another. It is a very human, fallible reality that can happen in partnership. But in time, we will want to drop the mask and be loved for who we actually are, And if our partner rejects us, that can lead to pain and resentment.

You never need to change yourself, I believe there are certain habits that are not important you can change them, but if your partner truly loves you then he/she have to love everything about you.

And then, allow them to be as authentic as possible with you if they want.

Never seek your sense of self worthy for another person. Never make it a life or death issue whether someone will accept you or not . Just be who you are. Just give the other person permission to be who he or she is.

If in that Authentic Allowing, a genuine connection of enjoyment and appreciation gets created, you have found something worthwhile.

The third, critical skill is Communication begins with listening. Reflective listening is one of the most important lessons you can learn for every type of relationship. Reflective listening means - I listen to what you say have to say and understand before I respond. So have really good reflective listening skills in a relation

The other side of good communication is that you communicate from your consciousness, not from your emotions. It is okay to feel things. But do not inject your emotions into another person. To say, "I am angry with you because of x, y and z; and I need such and such from you!" is far better than to yell and scream and break things.

So speak consciously, not emotionally. These skills will help build trust and intimacy in a relationship.

The second Part of choosing a partnership has to do with the process you go through together. I think it is important for people to be honest and trust worthy with each other. If you would like a marriage partner, state it up front. If the other person is not ready for marriage and you are, let them walk away.

Do not fake it, just be real and let your authentic truth attract the person who loves who you are from inside and out.

When it comes to marriage,here's the important lesson I think is important in life.

Marriage is like union of two flowers. The home is a garden the flowers have to work together to make it look beautiful.

So what is your vision for your home life?

What is the purpose of your home?

What is your job description for your potential mate?

And what do you have to offer?

Make a list and Discuss it with each other. Money. Sex. Family. Work. Food. Chores ...

Spend time thinking about what you need from your home life in all of these areas?

What are your negotiables?

What are your non-negotiables?

Create a list for what you want to build spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, physically in your home. And discuss with your partner about it. See if you can come up with a common vision and common direction.

It might seem like a very unromantic on certain levels.

But see if you can have fun together.

Dining, movies and trips,all of that

Fact is that , marriage is the most powerful word for a relationship. you can proudly say "we are married".

So if you will spend the rest of your life with the man or women you love then bring this topic upfront.

Think it through. See if the other person will be a reliable partner for the rest of your life, you want to build called a home and family.

" be friends first"

Spend time building a friendship, Because when ups and downs highs and lows come in a relationship, friendship can see you through it.

Now lets talk about the topic sex. if we talk about religion teachings it says " no sex until after you are married" The reality is that not everyone listens or believes in that, so what I think is very simple. No sex until both partners are absolutely sure they are ready to take that step together. Sex should not come early, in my opinion.

First see where your conversation goes the take any steps, only if you feel positive . If both of you choose to wait until marriage, or If both of your feel comfortable with sex, but If your partner pressure you and create problem, then that is a deal breaker.

Sex needs trust, honesty, loyalty and faith on each other, So make sex as a step of building a strong bond with your partner.

After looking at all there things. Just know that main thing in a relationship is trust. if you find it had to trust someone then dont waste your time because if you cant trust your partner than love never gets strong.

Also, if the person doesnt treat you well or disrespect you, never keep hopes because life is too short you cant keep wasting your time on a person who cant even respect you or understand you, thats not love it ll be considered compromise.

There are many traditions and many times of weddings. The ancient Romans had a different look to marriage. Every religion today would object to it, but it made sense from the perspective of human nature. In Ancient Rome, among the nobles, the marriage contract happened in two phases. The first phase was for one year. People got married and at the end of one year, they had the option to renew the contract for life or to walk away.

But, if your marriage or love life is falling down, first try to bring it back, talk to each other , try to make it work because together you can win a world if you have the right partner, but if doesnt then never feel sad or down.

On other hand, Some times no matter how much you try to get to know someone, or try to live with them. It just makes us feel sympathetic for ourselves and it doesn't work.

The fact is that we don't know if it is going to work until you actually live together and try to know them from deep inside.

There are many marriages that fall apart in the first year or so.

MAIN POINTS:

If your partner hits you, leave.

If your partner screams and disrespects you, leave.

If your partner steals from you, Leave.

Life is a short precious gift. You have to live it to full without pain.

Never feel sad if it does not work out. be happy and move on, coz life goes on....

Remember, life is a journey. Let the God Guide your way.

Please know that I do not mean to offend anyone by anything in this essay. Sometimes I think we put too much pressure on our young people to live up to an ideal that may not be realistic.